Alright, so Ode might be a tad Overkill, but I thought I was right about Danielle. Here is the thing about being an English Major, all you have to do is find one other person who has written something that supports your theory--and hey, you are in like Flint! I just read an article that said what I had always suspected but was afraid to believe--when Danielle talks, it seems harmless and almost reasonable.
I am far from a Housewives of New Jersey expert. As a matter of fact I have watched maybe half a dozen episodes, maybe a little less (you got a stack on Hulu or On Demand, it is just hard to keep track). She doesn't seem like a brain truss, but she doesn't seem like the devil incarnate either. That ex-con she's using as an idiot body guard is a little disturbing, even to her I think, but how evil can you be when you turn out to be just a big ole 'fraidy cat??
Here is all I'm saying, she is attractive in a botoxed, injectable New Jersey sort of way. She's over tanned and under weight, perfect for the part. All she really does is show up, repositions her hair until one of the other women work themselves up into a throw down, and then she just cries and drools in the bushes or a Bentley and waits for her favorite officers working the local beat to arrive. She honestly causes less trouble than the others. Am I wrong?
Is hoping to send the Housewife in training to prison a little harsh--sure. Do we really think any judge in the state has missed that episode and is going to send the kid to jail?? I think a little trash pickup off the ramp of her exit might be warranted though. Not everyone is on a reality show so you have to learn that it isn't appropriate to pull someones extensions out their heads just because you see a camera and some strong lights. I know a lot of woman who are a pain in my ass but I never tried to pull their hair out by the roots. I do live in Front Royal, and I have known a couple woman who have done that, but hey, they didn't go to jail either!
Villains have become such an important aspect of reality tv that the new Housewives have two.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Sunday, April 29, 2007
the unisheet
my friend mel always says that my unisheet theory is actually my thesis, but i'm not even sure it's a blog. having been briefly married at a young age i've had the benefit or punishment of dating for well over 15 years. i've been thinking about single men and the unisheet for some time, and only recently have been taking an unofficial poll from other women, whenever i think of it, if their partners were once unisheet guys, and if there a general profile for potential unisheet abusers.
first, let me define unisheet for any woman (or man who may genuinely be unaware they are offenders), i define the unisheet phenomenon as generally the single male who seemingly comfortably and unconsciously sleeps in his bed, size, frame or whether or not it rest on the floor is not important here--but they are able to sleep with a single fitted bed sheet and some covering, i.e. comforter, bedspread, quilt--that serves the duel purpose of top sheet and covering.
in my experience, the usual suspect was a single 20-30 year old male who either wasn't worried about bringing women home, or had after leaving home forgotten that his mother used a second sheet when changing his bed for him. i also generalized them as middle income guys, who may or may not have chosen college, but by and large weren't stock brokers or young attorney's on the rise.
oddly enough, what i have uncovered from my ongoing survey is that while some of my assumptions may be correct, i had never considered some factions, had been totally wrong about some of my male acquaintances, and at least one whole concept i had never even considered.
one friend was briefly engaged to a consumer credit attorney, who was somewhat recently divorced, who used the excuse that his wife kept all the linens to be a unisheet guy. the punchline to this kind of guy is that while he had an american express card with which he could have easily purchased a german automobile, it had seemingly not occurred to him to charge some full sets of bed linens. the question here is, was this just some bitter rebellion on his part to spite his ex wife by stubbornly using what he was left, or maybe just the inner frat boy reemerging as he entered the beginning of middle age?
i naturally assumed from the start of my quest that any single guy who limited not just his bathing but the frequency with which he did laundry would be a unisheet guy. a friend of my own boyfriends wore the same button up, short sleeve summer shirt the entire summer (which of course i termed the unishirt). i have it on good authority from my boyfriend, that his basement apartment and especially his bedroom would make any self respecting pig want it for his own sty, did have a complete set of sheets, including some form of comforter on his bed. go figure?
the real situation i never considered was the mother factor. several of the women i queried who dated post pubescent males, and stuck with them over an extended period of time until they grew up and committed , were perfect unisheet candidates, and left to their own devices probably would have gone in that direction. but apparently if your mother gives you one complete set of sheets as a house/apartment warming gift, or a gratitude gift since she has washed his last sheet and changed his bed for the last time before turning it into a guest room, he gets a booby prize. apparently if a man is given and possess one single set of sheets, realizes they came as a set, while they may only clean and change them semi annually, they use all available components. again, a situation i never considered!
now my blog would not dare to approach the issue of pillow cases, which in my experience they all have use, where they came from and what they matched in a former life is just more than even i want to contemplate.
in an added, i think upbeat note. the unishirted friend of my boyfriend is probably in his mid twenties and lacks any serious carnal knowledge of a female. recently, a relative left him a small windfall, for him anyway, and he had developed a serious phone relationship with a girl, which was leading up to dinner and a movie at his place. now i have had good dates, bad dates, expensive dates, dates that aren't aware stalking is illegal in all 50 states, but i must say, no one has ever spent the time, money or energy on a first or even last date that his friend did. he and my boyfriend spent two entire days cleaning, plugging in wallflowers and burning candles. that would have been a nice gesture, but he essentially bought the bed in the bag complete set of new linens, martha stewart provided a new 20 piece dinner set, as well as corresponding knives, forks, spoons and glasses. on the one hand i'm vaguely jealous, on another hand it gives me hope for men of the future, but alas, all that work and lasagna and she stopped taking his calls.
maybe this could be one of life's disappointments that will send him into a unisheet frenzy.
first, let me define unisheet for any woman (or man who may genuinely be unaware they are offenders), i define the unisheet phenomenon as generally the single male who seemingly comfortably and unconsciously sleeps in his bed, size, frame or whether or not it rest on the floor is not important here--but they are able to sleep with a single fitted bed sheet and some covering, i.e. comforter, bedspread, quilt--that serves the duel purpose of top sheet and covering.
in my experience, the usual suspect was a single 20-30 year old male who either wasn't worried about bringing women home, or had after leaving home forgotten that his mother used a second sheet when changing his bed for him. i also generalized them as middle income guys, who may or may not have chosen college, but by and large weren't stock brokers or young attorney's on the rise.
oddly enough, what i have uncovered from my ongoing survey is that while some of my assumptions may be correct, i had never considered some factions, had been totally wrong about some of my male acquaintances, and at least one whole concept i had never even considered.
one friend was briefly engaged to a consumer credit attorney, who was somewhat recently divorced, who used the excuse that his wife kept all the linens to be a unisheet guy. the punchline to this kind of guy is that while he had an american express card with which he could have easily purchased a german automobile, it had seemingly not occurred to him to charge some full sets of bed linens. the question here is, was this just some bitter rebellion on his part to spite his ex wife by stubbornly using what he was left, or maybe just the inner frat boy reemerging as he entered the beginning of middle age?
i naturally assumed from the start of my quest that any single guy who limited not just his bathing but the frequency with which he did laundry would be a unisheet guy. a friend of my own boyfriends wore the same button up, short sleeve summer shirt the entire summer (which of course i termed the unishirt). i have it on good authority from my boyfriend, that his basement apartment and especially his bedroom would make any self respecting pig want it for his own sty, did have a complete set of sheets, including some form of comforter on his bed. go figure?
the real situation i never considered was the mother factor. several of the women i queried who dated post pubescent males, and stuck with them over an extended period of time until they grew up and committed , were perfect unisheet candidates, and left to their own devices probably would have gone in that direction. but apparently if your mother gives you one complete set of sheets as a house/apartment warming gift, or a gratitude gift since she has washed his last sheet and changed his bed for the last time before turning it into a guest room, he gets a booby prize. apparently if a man is given and possess one single set of sheets, realizes they came as a set, while they may only clean and change them semi annually, they use all available components. again, a situation i never considered!
now my blog would not dare to approach the issue of pillow cases, which in my experience they all have use, where they came from and what they matched in a former life is just more than even i want to contemplate.
in an added, i think upbeat note. the unishirted friend of my boyfriend is probably in his mid twenties and lacks any serious carnal knowledge of a female. recently, a relative left him a small windfall, for him anyway, and he had developed a serious phone relationship with a girl, which was leading up to dinner and a movie at his place. now i have had good dates, bad dates, expensive dates, dates that aren't aware stalking is illegal in all 50 states, but i must say, no one has ever spent the time, money or energy on a first or even last date that his friend did. he and my boyfriend spent two entire days cleaning, plugging in wallflowers and burning candles. that would have been a nice gesture, but he essentially bought the bed in the bag complete set of new linens, martha stewart provided a new 20 piece dinner set, as well as corresponding knives, forks, spoons and glasses. on the one hand i'm vaguely jealous, on another hand it gives me hope for men of the future, but alas, all that work and lasagna and she stopped taking his calls.
maybe this could be one of life's disappointments that will send him into a unisheet frenzy.
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